We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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