My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
