when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
