Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
