No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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