saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
