Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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