For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
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Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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