They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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