Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
