i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize