Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
