This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
