How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize