after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
