No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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