the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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