did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
