He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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