what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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