all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
don't judge my taste in strippers
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
