She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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