make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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