i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the day after is always just damage control
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
