So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
