I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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