Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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