I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
