Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
