sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
