how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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