WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
