This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
