Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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