Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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