We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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