she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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