end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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