so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
