Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
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either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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