I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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