Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
