Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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