I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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