honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize