The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
