So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
