This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize