what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
