dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
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i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
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my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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