I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
