I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize