Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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