those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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