The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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