I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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