Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
