i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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